Tagged as: humor

What’s In A Name? Sometimes, An Automatic Rejection Email

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The other day I was reading a political article and the author mentioned interviewing “older voters.” The first “older voter” she interviewed was 53 — my age. It stunned me. I wondered, “If I’m an older voter at 53, what about the people who are 63, 73, 83, and 93?”When does one become an “older voter?” I realized the answer probably lay with the author. If the author is a millennial, then perhaps everything appears to be one big blur of old age after 50. Surely we must all have the same political concerns that emerge from our decrepitude. Enough about that. Read more…

I’m Tired Of The Sexism Of This Calendar. Happy Father’s Day!

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For the twenty-plus years I have owned this decorative country-style wooden calendar, I have experienced a flashpoint of rage every June 1st when I flip the banner tile over from May to June, and move the date tiles around. I always check my paper calendar to see if there are any special holiday tiles to be displayed each month. My calendar has a painted Christmas tree on the back of the #25 tile, a red Valentine’s heart on the back of the #14 tile, and various other special tiles not associated with specific dates, like birthday cakes, a cornucopia of gourds for Thanksgiving, and oh, this tile with two little white flowers on it that says “Moms Day.” It’s not even grammatically correct. Apostrophes people! Read more…

Ten Reasons I Will Not Be Buying A Pink Fishing Rod

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Dear Mr. Fishing Store Clerk,

I know you were just trying to be helpful. You saw me and my two X chromosomes walk into your shop on this beautiful day, you heard me say I was looking for a fishing rod and you dutifully ushered me to the new section in your 100-year-old family-run business where various models of pink fishing rods now live. I’m touched by your acknowledgment of my femininity and your concern that I might step out into the great outdoors without a sporting item that advertises and affirms my gender.

Here’s the thing, though: I am not interested in the pinkification of my sporting equipment. But thank you!

Oh, I see the perplexed look on your face. I did not realize this would be so confusing to you. Perhaps I should explain. Here are ten reasons why I do not plan to buy the product you suggested for me. Read more…

When It Comes To Feminism Even Liberal Dudes Mansplain To Me On Facebook… WTH?!?!

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How do I restore my sanity? It is currently tethered to a ventilator. It took me years to cull my Facebook friends so that my virtual living room contains no more misogynistic buffoons sprawled out on sofas, bloviating until I unfriend or block them. I am left with only a handful of friends from high school and college—the ones who are not racist, sexist, or homophobic. Read more…

 

Let’s Talk About Male Hormones

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Ladies, have I got a protip for you! Do not Google any topic that includes the words female,leadership, and hormones. Don’t do it because you will see pages and pages of articles like this and this and this, leading you to assault your own computer, and repairs will be expensive. Also, “hormones” will be blamed for the tech-assault. Read more…

Why I Am Boycotting Movies About Men

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I’ve obviously gotten radical, stubborn, inflexible and up-to-my-eyeballs-fed-up with this obscene stage hogging, and am in desperate need of a shepherd’s crook to remove superfluous male bodies from the world’s movie sets. I’ve spent half a century watching films that are by, for, and about men. I’ve paid too much of my hard-earned money supporting a fantasy world where half the human population has gone missing. Read more…

Please Do Not Comment On My Bitchy Resting Face

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When I turned 50, one of the thoughts I had was like hell will I ever write anything for Huff/Post50. And that right there is the problem. I’m finally over it.

I’m over it because it’s time to walk the walk. I write a lot about the intersection of misogyny and ageism — that special bias that starts affecting women in the prime of their lives. I like to imagine I am immune to any assault on my own self-esteem, even though I know the Third-Person Effect is very real and I have no unique super powers that allow me to remain psychologically untouched by media. Right now I am struggling with how my face looks at rest. You may know it as Bitchy Resting Face, and I’ve come to call it BRFS, like it’s a syndrome. Read more…

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The Disintermediation of Expertise: Why We All Think We Know It All

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I’m an enthusiastic believer in the value of expertise. If I don’t have it, I go about finding it and, when necessary and possible, paying for it. It’s how I learn new things, and how I go through life with the fewest possible blunders. It’s efficient, too. I can’t be an expert at everything! There are people who know more about children’s vaccinations than me and people who know more about climate change than me, and they aren’t Hollywood celebrities or politicians. Read more…

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