Tagged as: culture and general snark

What’s In A Name? Sometimes, An Automatic Rejection Email

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The other day I was reading a political article and the author mentioned interviewing “older voters.” The first “older voter” she interviewed was 53 — my age. It stunned me. I wondered, “If I’m an older voter at 53, what about the people who are 63, 73, 83, and 93?”When does one become an “older voter?” I realized the answer probably lay with the author. If the author is a millennial, then perhaps everything appears to be one big blur of old age after 50. Surely we must all have the same political concerns that emerge from our decrepitude. Enough about that. Read more…

I’m Tired Of The Sexism Of This Calendar. Happy Father’s Day!

whole calendar

For the twenty-plus years I have owned this decorative country-style wooden calendar, I have experienced a flashpoint of rage every June 1st when I flip the banner tile over from May to June, and move the date tiles around. I always check my paper calendar to see if there are any special holiday tiles to be displayed each month. My calendar has a painted Christmas tree on the back of the #25 tile, a red Valentine’s heart on the back of the #14 tile, and various other special tiles not associated with specific dates, like birthday cakes, a cornucopia of gourds for Thanksgiving, and oh, this tile with two little white flowers on it that says “Moms Day.” It’s not even grammatically correct. Apostrophes people! Read more…

Misogyny Is a Window That Goes Up and Down

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Misogyny is a window that goes up and down. Sometimes when it’s down, I forget the window is even there. When it is abruptly thrown open, I remember that it was never actually gone. It is only closed now and then.

2016 is the year I have realized that the men on the other side of the window are not all religious or political conservatives. Many of them are liberal in their worldview and the champions of progressive causes. They talk about how black lives matter. They denounce Donald Trump for wanting to deport eleven million immigrants. They are on the right side of history when it comes to gay marriage and who can use which bathroom. They stand up for a woman’s right to choose! Read more…

Ten Reasons I Will Not Be Buying A Pink Fishing Rod

fishing

Dear Mr. Fishing Store Clerk,

I know you were just trying to be helpful. You saw me and my two X chromosomes walk into your shop on this beautiful day, you heard me say I was looking for a fishing rod and you dutifully ushered me to the new section in your 100-year-old family-run business where various models of pink fishing rods now live. I’m touched by your acknowledgment of my femininity and your concern that I might step out into the great outdoors without a sporting item that advertises and affirms my gender.

Here’s the thing, though: I am not interested in the pinkification of my sporting equipment. But thank you!

Oh, I see the perplexed look on your face. I did not realize this would be so confusing to you. Perhaps I should explain. Here are ten reasons why I do not plan to buy the product you suggested for me. Read more…

With Age Comes Wisdom And Authenticity, So Why Does No One Want To Get Older?

role reboot

Sometimes I feel smarter than I was 30-something years ago. I don’t remember how to do Algebra or how to diagram a sentence, but I can read several newspaper articles about seemingly disparate issues and immediately see how they are connected. Like David Foster Wallace on a cruise ship, I can walk into complex social situations and quickly discern intricate hierarchies and relationships. When I was younger, I sometimes intuitively understood these things but I lacked the vocabulary and the confidence to articulate what I observed and felt. Read more…

Wisdom Is Another Word For Old — Which Nobody Wants To Be

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Sometimes I feel smarter than I was 30-something years ago. I don’t remember how to do Algebra or how to diagram a sentence, but I can read several newspaper articles about seemingly disparate issues and immediately see how they are connected. Like David Foster Wallace on a cruise ship, I can walk into complex social situations and quickly discern intricate hierarchies and relationships. When I was younger, I sometimes intuitively understood these things but I lacked the vocabulary and the confidence to articulate what I observed and felt. Read more…

We need a Mandemic

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There are not enough baby elephant videos in the world to soothe and distract me from all of the pain and suffering I see daily in the news. At the moment, I am obsessed with the Zika virus, which has just been declared a global emergency by the World Health Organization. As more and more babies are born with microcephaly, male politicians in Latin American countries are requesting that women not get pregnant for the next two years, while simultaneously denying them access to contraception and abortion. Read more…

When It Comes To Feminism Even Liberal Dudes Mansplain To Me On Facebook… WTH?!?!

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How do I restore my sanity? It is currently tethered to a ventilator. It took me years to cull my Facebook friends so that my virtual living room contains no more misogynistic buffoons sprawled out on sofas, bloviating until I unfriend or block them. I am left with only a handful of friends from high school and college—the ones who are not racist, sexist, or homophobic. Read more…

 

Fifteen ways the world revolves around men’s penises

manspreading

We all know that, in a patriarchy, the world revolves around men’s penises in a general sense, but here are 15 ways we can see this reality manifest itself, more specifically:

1) Male genitalia taking up space

Manspreading on public transportation and in other public seating situations is epidemic. The viral load in this miasma of douchiness has so far eluded all disease management techniques. If we’ve reached the point of needing to put up “Dude… Stop the Spread, Please” signs in subway cars — and we have — that tells me we see this phenomenon as an infection of sorts,hopefully addressed by PSAs… You know, like “Get Your Flu Shot Today” signs at CVS. Read more…

Let’s Skip The Post-Holiday Fat Talk

Fat Talk

‘Tis the season to bash our bodies in front of our daughters, talking obsessively about how many pounds we’ve gained over the holidays and the urgent need to shed them.

Weight loss is a common New Year’s resolution, and one that receives much public discussion. Here’s an idea: Let’s not do that. If we decide to diet and ramp up our exercise regime, we can just do it, but not talk about it around the house. Read more…

The Seussian Absurdity of Texas Abortion Laws

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In the great state of Texas where the prickly cactus grows
and the tumbleweeds tumble when the hot wind blows
and politicians thump their Bibles as the money flows…
is the Land of the Self-Induced Abortion.
And deep in the desert, some people say, if you look deep enough you can still see,
today, where Planned Parenthood once stood
just as long as it could
before somebody lifted women’s rights away.
What were those rights?
And why aren’t they there?
Enshrined in the Constitution, then taken somewhere,
from the red state of Texas, where religious fervor grows.
The old Sermonize-ler lives there.
Ask him. He knows. Read more…

The Seussian Absurdity of Texas Abortion Laws

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In the great state of Texas where the prickly cactus grows
and the tumbleweeds tumble when the hot wind blows
and politicians thump their Bibles as the money flows…
is the Land of the Self-Induced Abortion.
And deep in the desert, some people say, if you look deep enough you can still see,
today, where Planned Parenthood once stood
just as long as it could
before somebody lifted women’s rights away.
What were those rights?
And why aren’t they there?
Enshrined in the Constitution, then taken somewhere,
from the red state of Texas, where religious fervor grows.
The old Sermonize-ler lives there.
Ask him. He knows. Read more…

I’m a Mom Who Drinks, Swears and does Heroin. You Got a Problem with That?

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I gotta tell you ladies something for the good of your own souls, so listen up. There is no reason for you to worry about your parenting skills because if yerz truly can DO THIS MOTHERFUCKIN THING, so can you. There’s a bottle of wine with your name on it waiting for you at the end of the day. YOU’VE GOT THIS. Read more…

If You Want My Professional Advice, You Have To Pay Me For It

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My brain has been picked over like a dead gazelle. Dear God, the flies! Get them off me.

Who can relate? Complete strangers on the Internet feel entitled to free professional advice because they have read some article I’ve written, or one where I am quoted. The Facebook private messages may have different content, but are always the same. Read more…

“Is My Child Gifted?” Sending Up a Flare from Lake Wobegon

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It’s been one of those weeks. I write to you with half a soul. The other half shriveled up and died while I was meeting with yet another client who could not stop talking about how gifted her child is. We once lived in a time when such conversations were in poor taste. These are not those times. The voice inside my head was screaming please, for the love of God, shut up. Her boasting was getting in the way of discussing other critical issues, like her child’s report card that included multiple comments regarding backtalk to teachers and bullying other kids. Read more…

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